Also, going “out with the boys” is just as valid as a cave for serving this purpose. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Personally, I’d like to have a study in my future house. Sure, I’ll want to make it my own; but I don’t think I’ll call it an escape or a man cave, even though at times it may serve as either.

I agree there’s certainly nothing wrong with “alone time.” Watching a ball game with the guys, or spending some time “in the woodshed” playing guitar, or even something as silly as watching some Monty Python or Braveheart or whatever — these are all great things. Provided, of course, the more important things are taken care of — and at least in your case it sounds like there’s plenty being taken care of.

I’m driving at a point at two levels:

1. The whole idea of “escape” being a “need” — especially to the tune of a $13,000 make-believe race car room — sounds pretty fragile and narcissistic.

2. The example of Christ is completely alien to this whole man-cave mindset. From his instruction to “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven… for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:19-25) to the Ephesians passage I referenced above, Christlikeness is not about self or stuff, but sacrifice and sanctification.

The fact is, a guy who does a thousand times more than your admittedly prodigious output still doesn’t hold a candle to Christ. Having a well-equipped man-cave doesn’t improve the comparison — not in our wives’ eyes and certainly not in God’s. We need mercy, not a mantuary… forgiveness, not escape…

As a man of God, I’m having a hard time seeing your point. I try to set an example for my daughter to be a doer of God’s Word and not just a hearer. I pray that my actions bring glory to God. I’m active in my church, send my daughter to Catholic school, and give to the poor. On a fairly regular basis when one of my 87 year old in-laws has a fall, I’m the one who bandages the gashes from the fall as a result of their skin being so thin. When I’m not at soccer games or school events, I’m painting or repairing our house, or helping my in-laws with a task they can’t do. I converted one of the extra bedrooms into an office my wife and I could share. She runs a P.R. business from home. She needed a place to focus on her work. I came up with the idea to add some masculine touches to the guest room. I work 50-60 hours a week, come home every night to dinner with my family (in-laws twice a week, sometimes more), and I usually clean the kitchen to help out. I then either continue a repair job or do some I.T. function for my wife or daughter. I don’t smoke, drink, golf, gamble, or go out with the boys. Our big night out is Saturday when we go out to dinner at the same Mexican restaurant we’ve been going to since my daughter was one. We top that off with a trip to Target or Sam’s. When my wife and daughter are doing “girl stuff” like doing each other’s nails or hair, or watching some tear jerker movie that alot of times I get sucked into, I have a place to “escape” to play my guitar, scan old photos to save, download and save the latest video I’ve take of my daughter, and yes, lose myself in some action-packed “guy” movie. I seriuosly doubt that you and your wife are tied at the hip. I also doubt that you’d be any good at the bass if you kept your focus on her 24-7. I don’t think that God begrudges us some alone time.

I think your take on this is exactly right. The issue here is not that married couples should never spend time apart, it is the issue of grown men who’ve never left adolescence, something that I think is epidemic in our culture. As you suggest, it springs from a non-Biblical understanding of both marriage and of manhood.

I second your sentiments to Jill Scully – RUN!

Look at it this way: if a man is to his wife as Christ is to the church, we can restate the question like this:

Practically how do Christ and the church avoid “smothering” each other?

That just sounds kind of funny… Going back to Eph. 5:25-30, it seems like the charge is for husbands to see to it that their wives are sanctified — I take that to mean that husbands shouldn’t smother their wives, but at the same time, I think that looks more like “intimacy” than “separate time.”

The main point of this article is a separation of space and time between husband and wife. The article cites a clinical psychologist, who specializes in marriage counseling, saying, “Separate time is important…A good relationship has both intimacy and independence”
Practically how does a husband and wife avoid “smothering” each other? Or is the idea of “smothering” based on a false expectation of what marriage is?