I think the motivation for modest dress is as you said “If we are seeking to love the Lord with all that is in us, we should desire to call attention to Him.” Our desire, all of our desires, should be to be worshipers not worshiped. That should be the motivation for modesty, humility, and virtue on all our parts. I think we are in violent agreement there.

I did not mean to imply encouraging modesty among believers was an attempt to control the situation. What I meant is that if the goal modest dress on the part of women is to keep men from sinning, that takes the responsibility from men, and now women are in control of whether or not men sin, as in Islam.

Our culture is also saturated with men who abdicate their responsibilities, often it is in response to women trying to control a situation. I wanted to encourage men to holiness regardless of the situation. If men are virtuous only in response to what the women around them are doing, they will never be holy.

I liked your second to last paragraph in your response. It shows that immodesty is harmful to both men and women. On exhibit is the idolatry and the proper response from a woman’s point of view. What i see there is the idol of acceptance and attention. The wrong response of anger, resentment and jealousy. Finally, the Gospel. We lay those desires at the foot of the cross. We are more sinful than we know, and more accepted than we can imagine. Very Good.

In that vein, I would like to address a couple of the things you said. First of all, I am interested in your reasoning for why you agree that women should dress modestly, if it is not, at least in part, to not cause a brother to stumble. I see this as part of loving “the Lord our God with all [our] heart, and with all [our] soul, and with all [our] mind . . . [and loving our] neighbor as [ourselves]” (Matthew 22:37-39). If we are seeking to love the Lord with all that is in us, we should desire to call attention to Him and not to things that would cause others to be distracted away from honoring Him, and we should seek to do what is loving toward our neighbor. Is it loving toward our brother to dress in a way that causes him to face the same visual temptation that an unbeliever causes him to face? And is it loving to our sister to dress in a way that may tempt her husband towards impure thoughts? In my humble opinion, it is not loving them or considering them above ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4).

I’m not always great at analogies, but here’s an attempt . . . . If you knew someone was prone to drinking to excess or was an alcoholic, it would not be a loving thing to do to surround him with alcoholic beverages. And imagine that he’s already been having to avoid that temptation everywhere he goes; when he gathers with those who love him and want to build him up in Christ, should they also surround him with alcoholic beverages, or should they be a safe haven where he knows they care about him enough to not put that same temptation in front of him? And what if his temptation towards drunkenness affects his family? Would it be loving to them to surround the man with something that would ultimately hurt them? Certainly not. Paul exhorts us to build up the weaker among us, even if it limits our own liberty, for the sake of Christ. (Romans 14)

However, I’m not advocating a legalistic way of approaching this issue. An exhortation for ladies who are followers of Christ to dress modestly does not equate to the Islamic way of life for women. Modesty, discretion, and purity (and the results of the lack of those things) are addressed throughout the Scriptures in various places and in various ways, from the Proverbs to Paul’s letters to the churches. In addition, this would be a choice by each individual woman to consider her personal actions and how they affect others. It is not a rule of law, but rather a response to God’s grace in our lives.

I also am not sure why you would consider encouraging modesty among believers to be “women trying to control the situation.” The only “control” I’m encouraging us ladies to have is “self-control” . . . to realize that what we do can impact others positively or negatively, and to control our own desire of seeking attention for ourselves rather than seeking to honor God with the way we dress. It is a difficult task for us, especially when we women are constantly enticed to try to look as good as “so-and-so.” We are painfully aware of the provocative images that permeate our society, and that usually either makes us angry and/or makes us feel inferior and/or makes us want to compete. Most of us want attention and we enjoy it when it comes our way. But we need to submit that and all desires to Christ, to look for how we can trust His truth and precepts in our lives to fulfill our deepest desires. (Oooops, I think I digressed . . . another blog post for later.)

Certainly, none of this abdicates a man’s responsibility for his own thoughts and actions. Each man is responsible for his own sin (Romans 14:12), but women who desire to honor God should seek to abstain from putting a stumbling block in front of our brothers (Romans 14:13).

Men are supposed to present their wives as spotless on the last day, not the other way around. I think men have the responsibility to not sin when they look at women regardless of what they are wearing. The fact is it does not matter what women wear, men will still lust. I think lust is a sin because it shows how little we value what God has given us and how little we value what God has created.

Men need to lead their wives into holiness, probably not by telling them what to wear, but by encouraging them and building them up in the word. Men need to lead their boys by being role models to them. Teaching them women are not theirs to possess. All women young and old are our sisters in need of encouragement, sinners in need of grace, or one special lady with whom we get to become one with. Men need to lead their daughters showing them they are not objects to be desired but people to be loved. They are more than just a physical body, but a mind and a spirit that is to be cherished. They need to be shown how women should treated before some guy with a Z-28 shows up and pays her a compliment.

I can understand the desire to not be a stumbling block, but this is a matter of sin not of preference. The onus needs to be on the men loving and leading their families, not on women trying to control the situation.

In one man’s humble opinion.

I actually lost a church friend once over my confronting her about her lack of modesty - someone in leadership over youth. It’s a sensitive subject for people. But one that definitely needs to be addressed.

“Modesty is humility expressed in dress. It’s a desire to serve others, particularly men, by not promoting or provoking sensuality.”

While I consider myself to be pretty conservative I was challenged by what Mahaney had to say as I read the series of blogs as well as the Modesty Heart Check (http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/files/modesty_heart_check3.pdf) that his wife and daughters posted.

I pray that we will all seek God on this issue and allow Him to guide our hearts in the area of modesty as we seek to bring Him glory in what we say, do, and wear.